A Nuclear Explosion Begins A New Life

 

It's time for me to tell y'all the story about Eliana and me. A new love story for the ages. One similar to that of Johnny Cash and June Carter.

 

Once the nuclear explosion that was my life in Michigan finally detonated. I crash landed in Nashville, TN. My first weekend there, I stayed in an Airbnb. I still needed to find an apartment, so this is where I ended up first. 

 

There was another couple staying in this house with me. They were a fun couple, so we ended up hanging out quite a bit that weekend. One of the things we did together was go to a wine festival downtown by the river. I'm not really a drinker, so I was their designated driver.

 

At this wine festival, I noticed a booth for a local ballroom dance studio. I decided to wander over and see what it was all about. I ended up signing up for a free ballroom dance lesson. After I signed up, I texted a person, who I thought was my friend at the time. In my text, I said something like this.

 

Well. Let's see if I can find ex-wife #3 at this dance studio.

 

I really just wanted to learn to twirl a woman around the dance floor at the honky tonks there on Lower Broadway in Nashville. Y’know. Add a little fun to my life.

The woman who was my dance instructor had to pursue me quite a bit. After signing up that day at the wine festival. I lost my interest. The reality was that I'd lost my courage. 

 

But, eventually Eliana wore me down and I made an appointment for my free lesson.

At this lesson, I realized how ballroom dance lessons could actually help me become a better, overall, performer. That I could learn so much more than just twirl a woman around at a honky tonk. So I signed up for, and paid for, a series of lessons.

It wasn't this gorgeous, sexy and kind woman that drew me into the lessons. Nope. These wonderful characteristics of Eliana actually scared the shit outta me. I almost didn't continue with my lessons because of how much she scared me.

 

That's no joke.

 

However, everything began to change as my lessons progressed. Eliana and I started falling in love.

 

Basically, the romance we began developing together was very similar to that of Jack and Rose in the  movie Titanic. Only, unlike Jack. I didn’t know Eliana was “taken” by another man. But just like Rose's fiance in the movie Titanic. Will was watching Eliana and I fall in love.

 

And just like Rose's fiancé.

 

Will had to put a stop to our romance.

​

 

Overcoming The Fear Of What I Deserve To Have

 

Unfortunately Will is a very bad person. I was beginning to make friends with others at the dance studio. I was even invited to someone's home for Thanksgiving.

But like all narcissists do.

 

Will told a bunch of lies about me to those I was making friends with. He did this all behind my back, so I would have no opportunity to explain or defend myself.

Since I was new to town, Will's lies won. 

 

My new friends turned against me.

These web of lies narcissists create around them. These lies are aslo how they trap their victims too.

 

It's how he has now trapped Eliana. She most likely thinks that suicide is her only way out.

 

I've been in this position with narcissists many times. And that really and truly seems like the only way out.

 

My sons are in this position with their mother, my parents, my cousins, my aunt and uncles too.

 

You see, I'm on a "crazy" journey. This journey I'm on, well, it's been to teach me to follow my intuition to the T. To trust in myself and this process that is now my life.

After my dance lessons were in full swing with Eliana. I had an epiphany. It's one of the signs I get from my intuition. The kind I've been learning to understand and trust.

 

This epiphany, well it gave me the understanding that Eliana is THE ONE. Y'know. My June Carter. The wonderful woman to create balance in my life.

I've just recently learned that I'm important and I matter. By recently, I mean a few months ago. I now fully understand something I never actually did for the first 45 years of my life.

 

I deserve to be loved correctly and allowed to correctly love others.

As I’ve now mentioned, that amazing beauty and gorgeous sex appeal, combined with Eliana's kind and caring heart.

These things scared the shit outta me.

 

I was given this Epiphone about Eliana so I'd open up with her and be vulnerable with her. So I wouldn't run away in fear.

Guess what I did?

 

I clammed up and ran away!

 

The dance studio has an important rule. One I completely respect. Dance instructors are not allowed to interact with students outside of the dance studio.

 

But I wanted to see Eliana outside of the dance studio.

 

 

So.

 

 

I texted her.

 

 

Lame.

 

 

I know.

 

 

I texted her to cancel my lessons.

Eliana wasn't happy with me, to say the least. She told me I had to come in to sign some paperwork in order to get my refund for the classes I'd already paid for in advance.

 

So.

 

I went to the studio in the mid-afternoon, in hopes I'd avoid her.

As I was talking with the woman at the front desk, Eliana must have heard my voice.

Cause all of a sudden. There she was. Standing in the doorway between the front office and the dance studio. Her hip cocked out with her hand on it. A scowl on her face.

 

Oh shit.

 

"I'll let you talk to her before we finish this" is what the front desk person told me.

Not what I wanted to hear.

 

Eliana took me to a corner of the dance studio to sit at a table.

I lied like a mutherfucker y’all. I came up with every lame ass excuse I could think of. Just so I could stop being in trouble. Just so I could finish running away.

 

Then, I got up, finished signing the paperwork and got my refund.

For the rest of the day, I was stuck with this stupid introspective mind of mine.

All I could see, over and over and over again, was that horrible look of disappointment on Eliana's face. All I could think of was the lies I had told her.

I texted her and told her the truth. I told her I really quit my lessons because I had grown very fond of her. That I respected the dance studio's rules. But I wanted to see her outside of the studio.

 

I told her how sorry I was. That the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt her feelings. But I didn't want to be that weirdo who fell in love with his dance instructor and then told her.

 

I was afraid.

 

I overcame my fear.

 

"I appreciate your honesty. I have you scheduled tomorrow at noon. You'd better be here."

 

That was the response I got back from Eliana.

 

 

 

Lies, Deception And Control Methods Of An Evil Narcissist 

 

After I left Nashville. I was applying severe pressure on Will Britt. I was beginning to tell those around him the truth of who he is. The truth of who they really always knew he was.

 

I was trying to get him away from Eliana so he couldn't hurt her anymore. I was trying to gain help in doing this.

 

As a result, the coward fled to Princeton, New Jersey. He took Eliana with him too. The two of them are now dancing at a Fred Astaire dance studio there.

 

As I've said. I didn't know Eliana has a boyfriend. Not until the day before my very last lesson with her.

 

So I couldn't know that he was reading every single one of my text messages to her.

 

Yeah.

 

He's that guy.

 

It's been through hindsight and piecing conversations together, that I figured that part out.

 

 

 

Dead Rockers & Transition Issues

 

I really enjoy singing the Doors song, "People Are Strange". I actually have a very strong connection to Jim Morrison through synchronicity. Like me, Jim Morrison knew how to overcome his fears. 

 

Many people don’t know this, but Jim Morrison faced the band for many of their first live shows. He did this because he was afraid of the crowd, and this was how he understood to overcome his fear.

 

Here’s the thing with that. Not only did Jim Morrison become a famous rocker after that.

 

He was also one of the most iconic stage performers in all of rock history.

I have transition issues. I've gotten a lot better about this as I've continued along my "crazy" journey. But they were really bad when I was taking my dance lessons with Eliana.

 

I'd often get to the dance studio right as my lessons were starting. Add in my fear of Eliana's beauty and my fear of my feelings towards her.

 

I was pretty much a train wreck at the beginning of each of my lessons y'all.

I remember one time. I was being normal and obnoxious me. Talking and flailing around. Not at all focused on my dance lesson.

 

I spotted Eliana in the mirror in front of us. Out of the corner of my eye. She had her hip cocked out again and her hand on her hip. Just staring at me, waiting for me to recognize her.

 

I immediately stopped being crazy me, and looked over at her.

"Ya done yet?"

 

That's what Eliana said to me. Saying it in her New Jersey, diva way.

 

" Yes ma'am. Sorry."

 

That's what I responded as I collected myself and then began to focus on my lesson.

I now understand that's how you know you've found the woman of your dreams. If she can put you in your place and you actually like it.

 

It wasn’t just because of that particular experience, but I really wanted to change my crazy behaviors for another reason. Because I truly did see the great value in my dance lessons. They really were helping me learn more fluid movements, helping me overcome my fears of looking "stupid" in public, and other important things for a performer to learn.

 

So I wanted to stop this madness at the beginning of my lessons. I wanted to be focused at the start of each lesson.

 

I started showing up to the studio 30 minutes before my lessons. I always had on my sunglasses, even after I sat down to wait. I didn't acknowledge anyone as I walked into the studio. And I always sat alone in the corner until my lessons began.

This was how I understood to slow myself down, remove my jittery and anxious behaviors. That way I could focus on my lessons from the beginning.

 

Guess what?

 

It worked!

 

But then, my introspective mind started running again.

 

"Holy shit. I must look like a complete asshole and a lunatic." 

 

That's basically what I said to myself.

 

So I texted Eliana again. In that text, I shared an image of Jim Morrison with her. I also explained that story about him facing away from the crowd during the first Doors concerts.

 

I explained to her why I was doing what I was doing too.

 

I told her that us entertainers are a weird fuckin group. We understand our shortcomings, and we understand how to overcome them.

 

Even if overcoming them looks weirder than the problems themselves.

 

 

 

The Earth Slowed Its Revolution To Allow This Wonderful Moment to Happen

 

A few weeks into having three dance lessons per week with Eliana. One of my old friends from my days as an "influencer" on LinkedIn. He was gonna be in NYC!

He and I had enjoyed many fun video calls together. And there was a chance we could meet in person!

 

So. 

 

Living out my new, grab life by the balls and live in the moment lifestyle...

I canceled my three dance lessons with Eliana for the upcoming week. 

This time I left her a voicemail. Because it was more important and urgent. In my voicemail, I explained that my international friend was going to be in NYC! So I was heading out of Nashville for the week.

 

I didn't get a response. I packed up and drove outta town.

You see. Even though I knew how I felt about Eliana. After our interactions, I canceled my dance lessons, then started them up again. I'd basically put my feelings for her to the side.

 

I figured she didn't have any feelings for me, so I needed to get over my own for her. Plus I really didn't believe I'd ever have a chance with such an amazing woman like her.

 

As I was heading to the mountains of West Virginia, my overnight stop before getting to NYC....

 

I got a phone call.

 

It was Eliana.

 

I was in trouble again.

 

Eliana was very upset with me. She explained to me that she needed to be able to trust I would be around. That she only gets paid when we actually have our lessons together.

 

Dumb me, I didn't recognize the innuendo in this conversation. I thought we were really talking about getting paid for dance lessons.

 

So, being the polite and reasonable guy I am. I said she shouldn't have to be punished for my erratic behaviors. I told her to please charge me for the three lessons I'd canceled.

 

She refused.

 

She also seemed to become depressed during our conversation.

I explained the offer was on the table, and she could take advantage of it anytime.

 

Our call ended.

 

I had the most amazing experience that evening in the small West Virginia mountain town I stayed in. It was the prime fall color season!

 

It ended up that my international friend couldn't make it to NYC. So, the next morning. I jumped back into my vehicle, and headed back to Nashville.

I left another voicemail for Eliana as I began my drive. In that voicemail, I explained what was happening. I asked if she hadn't already filled the time for two of my three lessons I had canceled...

 

That I would be back in Nashville in time to have those lessons with her. And that I'd really like to have those lessons with her.

 

Sometime later.

 

Eliana called me.

 

This conversation y'all.

 

This conversation was when I realized that Eliana was falling in love with me.

And that I hadn't actually pushed my own feelings for her away, like I thought I had.

 

"I got your message. I'm really glad you're gonna make it back to Nashville".

 

It was how she said that. That's when it hit me. The world slowed its revolution for a brief period of time. Allowing this wonderful moment to occur.

 

"Me too". I replied. A huge lump in my throat.

 

I was in one helluva great mood for the rest of my drive back to Nashville!

​

 

 

The Whiny Toddler Throws His Temper Tantrum

 

"That's MY girlfriend! And she's moving in with ME!"

 

No joke. 

 

That's what Will, Eliana's boyfriend, said to me.

 

I had driven back to Nashville for a visit after I left to live in my vehicle in Florida.

I've explained to y'all that this "crazy" journey I've been on, that it's been to teach me to follow my intuition to a T. To trust in myself and this process which is now my life.

 

To also learn about fear and how to overcome fear.

Each time I've been back to Nashville, since I said goodbye to Eliana. Each time, I've thought, and hoped, that would be the time we'd get back into each other's life.

But that hasn't happened yet. I haven't seen Eliana for almost four years now.

I miss her.

 

On this particular visit, I stopped by the dance studio to see if I could catch her. It was during that pretend pandemic of the flu, so the dance studio wasn't open.

However, there were cars in the parking lot.

Overcoming my fear of doing so, I walked up to the door and knocked.

 

No answer.

 

I waited around and knocked a few more times.

Still no answer.

 

I've learned how to push against my intuition, doing so to understand what I need to do in different circumstances. I understood I was supposed to sit in my vehicle and wait.

 

I waited in the parking lot for a long time.

Overcoming more fears.

 

Eventually, Will - Eliana’s boyfriend - walked out of the dance studio. I didn't know who Eliana's boyfriend was up to this point. All I knew was that she had one. But I suspected it was Will.

 

I got out of my vehicle and greeted Will. I asked if Eliana was around. That she was always interested in, and excited about, what I was doing with my business, Respectful Rebel. That she really enjoyed hearing about what I was doing as The Respectful Rebel.

 

I explained to him that I wanted to tell her about all the new things happening.

That's when Will stomped his foot on the ground, like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. Then he said the statement I started this chapter of the story with.

 

No joke.

 

You see. Dependency is a very important tool used by angry and abusive narcissists, like Will is.

 

By having Eliana move out of her own apartment, into his apartment with him. It traps her even more. It makes her that much more afraid to leave her abuser.

 

Because in this case, Will is Eliana's abuser.

Will took away even more of Eliana's freedom by tricking her into moving in with him.

​

 

Batshit Crazy Support

 

I could tell Eliana was sticking up for me when I wasn't around. I didn't know exactly who it was she was standing up to on my behalf when we weren't together.

 

But I could tell she was taking chances for me. 

 

Taking risks to speak up on my behalf when I wasn't around.

 

And now, I understand it was Will, her abuser, she was standing up to most for me.

 

All my life, I've stood up for others y’all. I've put myself in harm's way to protect many, many people. That's part of why I'm homeless.

 

But very, very, very few have ever returned the favor.

 

That is, until I met Eliana.

 

I could sense some awkwardness and hostility at the dance studio when we were having our lessons together. It actually added to my discomfort and my fear of continuing my lessons with her.

 

But she was always so comforting and supportive of me when we were together. Eliana had such a wonderful way of making me feel important. She truly is a remarkable human.

 

Perhaps that's because I was doing the same for her too. I don't think either of us was used to being around a positive and kind person who helped us feel good about ourselves.

 

I don't know how many of y'all have ever heard the 90's Country song, "She don't know she's beautiful". But, unfortunately. That's Eliana. Even though she's one of the most beautiful and absolutely sexy and gorgeous people I've ever known.

Her own big rebel heart, her gorgeous features and her sensual body are the reasons I say this.

 

I could tell Eliana was occasionally distracted as we danced during my lessons. I could see her eyes darting around. Occasionally she'd catch the eyes of someone behind me. And then her own darkness would shine through in her eyes. 

 

Glaring at whomever it was she saw.

 

I can't even begin to tell y'all how much Eliana's own courage and strength has empowered me and kept me driven, even in her absence. I have no clue how to express to y'all what her taking risks for me has meant to me.

Sometimes we need someone who's willing to look batshit crazy on our behalf. Someone to take risks for us. To help us believe we are important and we are worth taking risks for.

​

 

 

A New Family And A New Life?

 

I ended up making friends with an older woman at the dance studio. We enjoyed each other’s company at dinners together and going to see movies. This woman had sometimes come to our dinners together upset. She had often come to dinner directly from her dance lessons with Will Britt at Live2Dance Ballroom in Nashville.

 

Because she was my friend, and I recognized she was upset. I would ask about it. On more than one occasion, this woman told me some very nasty, mean and inappropriate things Will had said to her. Things that hurt her to her core.

And still, Will was able to turn this woman against me. Using her as one of his weapons against me.

 

It's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't dealt directly with a narcissist just how powerful these assholes are through their manipulative lies.

People will lie for, and defend, the very person who's abusing them.

People will abuse others on behalf of the very narcissist who's abusing them.

As I've mentioned before. Suicide is what seems to be the only way to escape a narcissist.

 

Look at what my parents, my ex-wife and mother of my sons, the entire court system of Michigan, my old bosses and others are doing to me. They’re lying to hold me in homelessness. Trapping me here in hopes they can make me disappear.

All so none of the many, many lies I know about them can never be revealed.

I've narrowly escaped several narcissists throughout my life. I don't know how I've always been able to escape on my own, without any help from others. I truly don't.

 

But I have.

 

And I've still maintained a strong level of sanity through each daring escape.

Guns don't kill people. People pushed beyond their limitations kill people.

I just happen to be someone strong enough not to end up this way.

 

This woman who I had struck up a fun friendship with. She and I actually struck up a wonderful friendship very quickly. As I mentioned, we began spending time enjoying our new friendship outside the dance studio. Having dinner together, going to the movies together and so on.

 

This woman was my personality doppelganger. That's the truth y'all. She was a brazin and bold woman. Someone with a tremendous sense of humor and a brilliant and bright personality to go with it.

 

This woman has definitely lived her life how she wanted to live it. 

On her terms and her terms only. 

 

She was someone with whom I greatly enjoyed listening to her stories.

 

The best part though. 

 

Well, the best was that she wanted to hear mine too.

 

I was really all alone y'all. Not only was I in a completely new state and city than I'd lived in all my entire life. Everyone in my life had just turned their backs on me.

 

Everyone I ever cared about had just shown me their true colors.

 

None of them actually cared about me back.

 

So having this woman's friendship meant a lot to me. She was even kind enough to invite me to her home on Thanksgiving. Several others who I'd met at the dance studio were going to attend as well.

 

I really thought I was starting to rebuild my life. I really thought I'd begun finding a new family to rebuild my new life with.

​

 

The Dreaded Boyfriend Is Revealed

 

I used to have an image of June Carter resting in the arms of Johnny Cash. Both of their eyes closed in peaceful and loving serenity. I actually had this image as the wallpaper on my phone. This image was on my phone as the wallpaper when I was taking my dance lessons with Eliana.

 

She once asked me about the photo. I told her then that I've been looking for my June Carter my whole life. That one woman who can be my rock and soulmate.

This y'all, this is how Johnny Cash and June Carter entered this love story between Eliana and myself.

 

Just as I was nearing the end of one of the curriculums at Live2Dance Ballroom there in Nashville, TN. I realized I needed to end my lessons. 

 

I saw things coming on my horizon. 

 

Bad things.

 

When I finally came to this understanding, it was a Friday. My next lesson was the following Monday. I also knew I had to tell Eliana that I knew she was my June Carter.

 

So.

 

I coached myself for three days. Building up the courage for three days to tell her this. Y’all need to understand that Chris Rebel, this man I am today… he’s a VERY different little boy than Chris Kuehn was. And at this point in my life, Chris Kuehn was still the dominant force controlling my thoughts and actions.

 

That Monday evening, my nerves were all a mess as I walked into the dance studio. I began my lessons as normal. Waiting for the perfect opportunity to say something. To begin this conversation I wanted to have with Eliana.

 

And this y'all. This is when she finally slipped into our conversation that she had a boyfriend.

 

Ooohhhh! That stung like a mutherfucker!

 

Here I'd coached myself for three fuckin days to build up the courage to tell Eliana I knew she's the one.

 

And just like that...

 

A royal smack in the face.

 

But I surprised myself. I didn't skip a beat in my lesson.

 

Literally.

 

I always struggled with moving around corners during certain styles of dance. And we were rounding a corner when she told me.

 

I made that corner like a mutherfuckin champ y'all!

 

My lesson still had a long time before it was over when she told me of this unfortunate boyfriend. Normally, Chris Kuehn would have fallen to the ground in disappointment, made a complete ass of himself, never being able to show his face there again.

 

But that's not what happened this time. Not even with all that build up beforehand.

My second ex-wife stayed my friend the longest through all of this I've gone through. That night we were chatting on the phone. We had one of our usual arguments, I don't remember what about... nor do I care.

 

However, it was after this argument with my second ex-wife, the good ex-wife, when

 

I realized something very important.

 

I'd always been looking for my June Carter. But I'd never truly stepped up as Johnny Cash in any of my relationships.

 

Like I've said.

 

I was a weenie.

 

I was a pushover.

 

It was then that the realization finally hit me.

 

June Carter needed Johnny Cash just as much as Johnny Cash needed her!

 

You see. 

 

Everything happened as it was supposed to. Had I told Eliana that day that I knew she was my June Carter, but I hadn't realized this about myself...

 

I would have walked into yet another relationship that was doomed from the start.

 

​

​

The Love And Joy Of Turtles

 

Eliana has this absolutely adorable thing for turtles. It was something I quickly picked up about her.

 

One day, the morning before one of my lessons. Eliana called me to say she had to delay our lesson until later in the day. She seemed upset during the call.

 

I didn't feel it was my place to ask why she was upset, so I didn't.

 

However!

 

I then made it my goal for the rest of that day to work at helping her feel better!

 

I hadn't really met too many people in Nashville, but that day, I made it around to everyone I had met. I explained that someone who meant a lot to me was feeling down. I asked each person if they would call Live2Dance Ballroom, ask for Eliana, and set up their first free lesson with her.

 

I told these people there was no obligation to further their lessons, that I just knew it would make this important person in my life feel better if they called.

 

Using my tremendous sales abilities, I was gonna help Eliana close the deals as best I could eventually with these people anyway.

 

As I ran around Nashville that day. I was also looking for a trinket to give Eliana. Nothing large or intimidating. Just something small to let her know I cared.

Remember. I still didn't know she had a boyfriend.

 

I'm guessing it was Will creating her problems that day.

 

I found a cute little keychain with a turtle on it.

 

PERFECT!

 

Since Chris Kuehn still mostly ruled in those days. I hid the keychain in the box for my dance shoes. Y'know. That way I didn't have to openly give it to her. She could accidentally see it when I was changing my shoes.

 

Pathetic.

 

I know.

 

She saw the keychain and asked what it was. I told her that she seemed upset on the phone earlier that day, so I wanted to give her something to cheer her up. I knew she loved turtles, so I had picked this up for her.

 

IT WORKED!

 

She cooed and ogled over it. It clearly accomplished my goal of cheering her up!

 

YAY!!

 

I made one of the designs for Respectful Rebel Gear just for her. I purposely attached this design to my favorite slogan in the brand too.

 

Find Unity In Diversity

 

I still don't know if any of those people I asked ever called Eliana about their first free dance lesson.

 

 

 

Really Will? I Mean, C’mon Dude

 

Perhaps Will shouldn't use his real phone number and email address when creating fake online accounts to bully people.

 

The same night after I met Will Britt face to face, finally knowing he was Eliana's boyfriend. The day I had asked to talk with her outside the dance studio, explaining I wanted to give her updates on my company.

 

The day Will threw his temper tantrum and told me Eliana was HIS girlfriend. And that she was moving in with HIM!

 

That night was when Will Britt began many years of trying to bully me and destroy me even more. When he began making strong attempts to push me into suicide.

Because he knew I was homeless. And he wanted to hurt me that much more. He wanted to push me into insanity.

 

To kill me and get rid of me, once and for all.

 

So he could keep Eliana as HIS girlfriend.

 

In the middle of the night that evening. I received a message through the Respectful Rebel website. I saw it the next morning when I woke up.

 

The message asked me if I could talk with this person about what it was that I do.

It was a very bizarre and confusing question. But I responded. I basically asked the person to be more specific about what they wanted to know. I never heard back from that person either.

 

At that same time, on the different social media accounts I was using to promote myself as a comedian. Several other accounts began taunting me.

This went on for several days. Finally I had the inclination to check out the contact information that was entered into the Respectful Rebel website. I went looking to find out who that weird person was that had asked what I do.

 

BINGO!!!

 

Will is such a dumbass.

 

He used his actual phone number and email address in his inquiry through the website. I did a reverse lookup online and found both were connected to him.

 

These fake social media accounts have popped up periodically throughout this time I've been homeless. I have received other threats through the Respectful Rebel website. Always, these fake accounts and personas that were being used to taunt me and hurt me. They’ve always “spoken” the same way.

 

In an extremely hurtful and harmful way.

 

Just like Will has done to the woman I was making friends with. The woman he eventually used as a weapon against me.

 

And just like Will does to Eliana.

 

Every one of these fake accounts is always a "female". And every one of them always talks like an uneducated 10 year old little boy.

 

These supposed females always speak in the same "voice". A voice like the idiot and moron that Will is.

 

This is the information I'd begun sharing with the people who worked at Live2Dance Ballroom. I was sharing this information while also asking them to help Eliana escape Will.

 

It was during this time that I was sharing this information about Will with the others at Live2Dance Ballroom, after I’d become homeless and left to continue my journey… 

 

This is when Will fled Nashville, TN. 

 

Taking Eliana with him.

 

It was then, he took her to Princeton, NJ. Where they are now dance instructors at a Fred Astaire dance studio.

 

 

 

This Entire Journey Of Mine Has Actually Been One Big, Long No Gas No Money Drive

 

Y'all can call me crazy. But I know the life I've lived over these last few years. And it's been a miraculous existence to say the least.

 

At the beginning of my "crazy" journey. I went on what I called my no money no gas drives. This was after I became homeless, but clearly I hadn't lost my vehicle. I took many of these drives while I was on the Atlantic coast of Florida. 

 

I would leave an area I knew and felt safe. I would leave with very little gas in my tank, and no money to buy more. Always understanding I’d get out of whatever jam

I got into.

 

These were trips inspired by my intuition. Essentially, they were trials teaching me to trust in myself and this new process which is now my life. They were also trials to help me learn more about overcoming fear and addressing and overcoming my own emotions.

 

One morning. I knew it was time for me to drive to Nashville. This was the first MAJOR test of my faith along my "crazy" journey.

I left Cape Canaveral, FL. With a quarter tank of gas and $.03 to my name. But, based on events leading up to that day. I knew I'd make the 12 hour drive to Nashville.

 

I didn't know how. But I knew I'd make it.

 

I'll leave the details of that drive for later. However, I did make the two day drive and I didn't ever gain anymore than the $.03 I left with. Nor did I steal anything. People along the way helped me.

 

This was the trip to Nashville when I met Will outside the dance studio. When I finally discovered he is Eliana's boyfriend.

 

I ended up staying in Nashville for a few weeks on that trip. Living in my vehicle in parking lots around the city.

 

One morning, I set out for a park I'd found. My intuition encouraged me not to use the map app on my phone to find this park. I figured I knew my way around enough anyway.

 

I ended up in Kentucky y'all. I was running low on gas, but I'd just driven from Florida and I had everything I needed. So I continued driving this path my intuition was guiding me on.

 

I ended up running out of gas in a small town called Franklin, KY. It's just over the Tennessee/Kentucky border. So I sat on a bench in front of the courthouse to read my book.

 

A woman and her son walked by. We ended up talking together. Her son was a very courageous guy. He got bullied terribly in high school. By students, teachers and administrators. As we talked. I learned a lot about the bullshit he faced every day.

I did what I always do. I began pointing out this young man's strengths. I was giving him specific examples of the strength and courage I saw in him. I explained my own struggles in school with the same people.

 

I could tell his mom was very proud of his strength and courage too. I could see how grateful she was to have me empowering her son and providing him well needed encouragement and support.

 

In our conversation, I told them about my hero Johnny Cash. About how I'd found my own June Carter. The mother asked, "You know that's the church they got married in right?"

 

Without knowing it y'all. I'd been sitting in front of the church where Johnny Cash and June Carter were married. I'd studied Johnny Cash, but I didn't know this piece of his life.

 

I cried y’all. I had no choice but to cry.

 

Up to the point of making this miraculous drive from Florida to Nashville. I still wondered if I really was crazy. But I made that drive in a literal miraculous way.

 

And I experienced this a few days later.

 

 

 

I’ve Met My Biggest Hero Through Others

 

"Damn girl! Look at those gorgeous legs of yours! I wish I had legs like that!"

 

"Wow. I feel so supported right now."

 

This was a conversation I overheard between Eliana and a new woman taking dance lessons at Live2Dance Ballroom there in Nashville, TN.

 

And the way Eliana responded to this comment. Her shock and amazement. Well. It demonstrated to me that she really is not used to getting praise or support from others.

 

Remember how I told you that Eliana is the woman in the 90's Country song, "She Don't Know She's Beautiful"?

 

More proof to back up my statement.

 

I tell ya what y'all. If I can get her back into my life. She'll never, ever feel unsupported again.

 

This leads me into another side story related to the romance story between Eliana and myself.

 

I never had the privilege to see my biggest hero, Johnny Cash in concert. Let alone meet the man.

 

And ya know how people are always saying not to meet your heroes, because you'll be disappointed in who you find.

I can tell y'all with great pride and honesty that I would have been damn thrilled to meet Johnny Cash. Because when I was in Nashville. I met many people who had met Johnny Cash.

 

I actually had the opportunity to meet my hero through hearing stories of their own interactions with the Man In Black.

 

This new woman taking lessons at the dance studio is one person who helped me meet Johnny Cash.

 

Her father had played an important role in Johnny Cash's recovery. As a result, Johnny Cash would stop by her home on occasion.

 

She once told me about a time when Johnny Cash had stopped by the house. Her and a bunch of other kids were playing basketball in the driveway. And Johnny Cash picked up and played ball with them for a while.

 

Johnny had once told this woman, when she was a little girl, how good of a man her father was. That without her father's help during his own recovery. He didn't think he actually would have survived it.

 

Just like Johnny Cash did. I'm out to set the record straight about addiction, recovery and the horrible state of the "legal", jail and prison systems in this shit hole country of ours.

 

I've obviously got a lot of my own first hand knowledge to share.

 

 

 

My Clark Gable Exit

 

I suppose I've kept y'all in suspense long enough. Here's the story of how I finally said goodbye to the love of my life four years ago.

 

Not because I wanted to.

 

But because I had to.

 

The day after Eliana told me of her boyfriend, the abusive and controlling Will Britt. I had another dance lesson.

At this lesson, I knew more of the truth. I now understood that June Carter needed Johnny Cash just as much as he needed her.

I got to my lesson, sat at a table to wait for my instructor.

The most amazing, kind and sexually gorgeous...

 

 

Eliana Santiago.

 

 

She came and offered me her arm. She was signaling the start of our lesson.

 

I told her to take a seat.

 

I've eluded enough to the fun banter we had between us.

 

"What are you going to say?" was her cocky reply.

 

"Just have a seat" I explained with confidence, kindness and the slightest bit of cockiness of my own.

 

She sat down with a look of worry on her face. Then I told her this.

 

"Listen. I know I'm you're Johnny Cash and you're my June Carter. But I have to end my lessons with you. I can't go in like this. I'd rather say goodbye and risk losing you forever than keep hurting myself like this."

 

"But I have a boyfriend." Eliana replied in shock.

 

"I don't care."

 

"But you're doing so well in your lessons. You've made so much progress. I'm so proud of you."

 

I don't remember much of our conversation from this point. But I remember the gist of what was said.

 

Very shortly after I got the understanding that Eliana is THE ONE. We were having a conversation about my past singing in choirs. Specifically about a time the captain of the Spartan Discords (an A Capplella singing group at my alma matter, Michigan State University) had asked me to audition for the group.

 

In that conversation, I told Eliana of my passions and fears of singing. I explained how I'd never pursued the opportunities I'd been given to sing in smaller groups. And definitely not to sing solo. 

 

I explained to her it was because it would have devastated me to get negative feedback. Because at that point in my life. Singing was the only thing I thought I was any good at.

 

In that conversation, Eliana confessed one of her dirty secrets to me.

She LOVES A Capella singing groups.

 

This conversation when I said goodbye to Eliana was the week after Halloween. I told her during the rest of our goodbye conversation that I had bought both of us tickets to the upcoming Straight No Chaser show at The Ryman Auditorium. That the show was the week before Thanksgiving.

 

I told her I would hold onto her ticket, no matter what.

 

At the end of our conversation, something I still don't understand occurred.

Eliana popped up out of her chair very proudly. She had a huge smile on her face.

 

She offered me her arm once more and said this...

 

"Let me escort you across the dance floor one last time".

 

As we walked arm in arm across the dance floor, towards the front office. Eliana walked proudly and confidently. Like a male peacock.

 

We got to the office, she released my arm and said this, 

 

"Keep doing what you're doing. Don't stop... Maybe I'll see ya soon".

 

I was already walking out the door as she said this. I turned around, placed my sunglasses to my face and replied.

 

"I surely hope so."

 

Then I finished walking out the door. 

 

Never to see this wonderful, caring and beautiful woman since.

 

 

 

The Significance Of Tattoos

 

The first tattoo sleeve I've almost gotten complete is on my left arm. This is important to understand y'all. This plays a critical role as y'all continue reading this real life and fully true story.

 

A continuation of the story about how I crash landed in Nashville, TN after that nuclear explosion that was my life in Michigan detonated.

Landing right in Eliana's lap.

 

The lower portion of my sleeve is something I got inked in Nashville. I had this entire portion of my sleeve inked at the same tattoo parlor, and all of it drawn and inked by the same artist.

Y'all are well informed now of the romance that began to blossom between Eliana and I.

 

Here's more understanding I was given by the universe. Information I was led to through synchronicity. Information that was used to further prove to me that I was right.

 

Eliana has a beautiful and elegant, unicolor tattoo of a rose vine. It climbs up her right arm.

 

After I said goodbye to her. Doing so in a very Clark Gable fashion. I was still questioning myself. I was unsure of my ability to read my intuition correctly.

Was I crazy to think that I could get a sensation from the universe? One that told me she's the one?

 

I've wandered aimlessly for about 4 years now. Following my intuition and where it guides me. Never knowing exactly where I'm headed, or what I'll run into.

All I know is that I'll be just fine, and I'll always know what to say and how to act.

One evening, after saying goodbye to Eliana. I wandered into a restaurant in Nashville. It was a crazy busy Friday night. I found a spot at the bar, so I decided to eat there. It seemed more logical than waiting for a table during this Friday dinner rush.

 

Soon after sitting down, a couple of lesbians sat down next to me.

As always seems to happen with me. We struck up a conversation.

In our conversation, we discussed how all of us seemed to frequently have random and impactful meetings with strangers.

 

As our fun and entertaining conversation went on. I was talking about how I'd found my June Carter. The topic of love and companionship was a large one during our conversation.

 

At one point. These two women shared with me how they'd gotten matching tattoos. Tattoos that were similar but still represented who they each were as individuals.

 

One of them had gotten a lion and the other a lioness.

Each of them got these tattoos on opposite arms, but in the same location. They did this on purpose.

 

To represent the balance they created for each other.

 

Eliana has a beautiful and elegant rose vine climbing up her right arm y'all.

 

I have very colorful and loud tattoos on my left arm.

 

It doesn't matter what tattoos she may have gotten since.

 

It doesn't matter what tattoos either of us get in the future.

 

This was the Universe showing me, and telling me, that Eliana was the woman for me.

 

That I'm the man for her.

 

That we create balance between us.

 

Natural balance we both need to live peaceful and joyful lives together.

 

 

 

Turtles Continue To Be A Sign For Elaina In My Life

 

Almost two years after I had to say goodbye to Eliana, I was spending quite a bit of time at Disney Springs. It’s a resort-like shopping mall in Orlando. It’s free and there are often musicians performing.

 

I don’t like to watch a musician perform for tips without paying them, however, I was looking for talent to promote. So I saw payment for them coming down the road.

 

I’ve always understood what I can do. Even though I never used to believe in myself.

 

I found a Janis Joplin reincarnate playing guitar and singing. To me, she was prettier than Janis Joplin, but other than that. This chick was a dead ringer for Janis. She had a very similar and powerful alto voice too. I’ve always enjoyed a great Alto.

I was cheering her on, and on one of her breaks, I introduced myself. I explained what I was trying to do here at Respectful Rebel Arts & Entertainment. She enjoyed and appreciated my encouragement. I know, because she said so.

 

As I went back to enjoying this beautiful and very talented singer perform. The thought started to cross my mind again. Maybe I am crazy to think that Eliana is THE ONE. My own June Carter to create perfect balance in my life. Maybe I should give up on this whole idea and move on.

 

As this thought was coming into fruition in my mind, Janis’s reincarnated soul finished singing the song she was performing. She was performing next to a pond. 

 

“Hey everyone, there’s a turtle right here if you wanna see it”

 

This is what the singer said, just as these doubts were filling my mind.

 

Ok. 

 

I get it.

 

I won’t give up on her or on us.