It was a cold and dreary day yesterday. Mist spurting in the air everywhere. “Bomb Cyclone”. Yeah right. Apparently Atmospheric River didn’t instill enough fear. Once again, the media extremely exaggerates the truth. I’ve seen worse shit on a good day in Michigan.

 

Cyclone Bombs are just like pandemics created with the flu. Over exaggerated “truth” created to spread fear. Actual lies used to create wealth and power for a small group of shitty assholes. Puritans who condemn everything, but can’t keep their hands outta their own pants.

 

Anyway, yesterday was the kinda day you’d rather curl up in a cozy comforter with that very special someone. Simply lie in existence together and watch movie after movie in bed. Snuggling, kissing, caressing, giggling… loving. The occasional homemade sex scene scattered throughout the day. Truly living each moment to its maximum without even having to try.

 

I don’t have a home. Not one that would create comfort like this. I live in a homeless shelter of smelly, rude and violent little boys. Children who like to think they’re “men”. Nor do I have that one person I’d love to curl up with on a shitty day like this and actually make it worthwhile.

 

At least I know who she is. And I’m trying very hard to get back in her life. I have been all along. But not everything is up to me. I need people willing to admit I’m good at what I do. Damn good at it too. Everyone sees it. But they’re all too afraid to admit it out loud. Let alone actually give me a chance. I might make everyone else who calls themselves a star look really bad.

 

Might?

 

Shit.

 

I’ll most definitely make those losers look real fuckin bad.

 

You can’t become a star or an icon. You either are one or you aren’t. I’ve been one my entire life. I had to realize that first. I had to believe it before I could force everyone else to openly admit it.

 

Stupid. Forcing shit. But that’s the world we live in. One controlled by pussies who have no talent or skills of their own. Cowards who fear anyone who actually does.

 

They fear me.

 

So, for now, until that first courageous person is willing to admit it out loud, I “live” here. A homeless shelter. The kinda place that sucks every ounce of motivation out of you, even while you sleep.

 

There’s very little to live for when you're homeless. That’s why the rest just do drugs and drink all day. When you wallow in the gutters of the world, it’s very clear nobody gives a shit about you. You’re just a kicking stone for the world when they can’t control their own emotions. The entire world is filled with bullies and cowards of privilege.

 

It’s extremely hard not to hate everyone when you’ve seen the world from its underbelly. It’s a much different view looking up than it is looking down. If only everyone could have this experience. The world would be a much better place if everyone had to live like this. Even if just for a year.

It’d be a helluva a lot smaller too. Not many can survive having all the anger and hatred of the world pounding down on them every moment of every painstaking second.

 

But... everyone celebrates their meaningless mediocrity instead.

It's a good rehearsal for me in becoming a celebrity. From what I’ve read from celebrities willing to be honest, being a celebrity feels very much the same way.

Only when I’m a celebrity, I’ll have those comfortable things I’m now missing. I’ll have my lovely Eliana. I’ll have my sons back. My family will be intact then.

 

So it’ll be easy then.

 

You see, I know my future.

 

Enough of it at least.

 

That’s my only motivation.

 

It’s been my only source of motivation for over three years now.

 

Even when I’ve lost all hope for everything else.

 

I’ve always had faith in my journey.

 

No one else believes in me.

 

Good thing, now, I finally do.

 

I’ve been avoiding this one place in town. A tourist trap. Or so I’ve been thinking it is. It’s the spot where they filmed my favorite scene in the movie Top Gun. The scene where Gooseman jams on the piano, playin “Great Balls Of Fire”.

 

Goose and I are very similar characters. Both goofy mutherfuckers who just want people to have fun. Never afraid to do anything to help someone do so. Both of us strong family men running from something.

 

Well. I don’t run anymore. So I guess it’s time to face this and see what this place is really like.

 

“Is there any seating inside?” I ask the chick at the front door.

 

“Just head to the bar around to the right” she tells me with a kind smile.

 

I can see those now. Kind smiles directed my way. It took 44 years for me to see them. But now I finally do.

 

Wow. This place looks a lot bigger in the movie. More proof that anything can be portrayed on a screen. I’m beginning to follow the ideology of Andy Kaughman. Maybe they never did put a man on the moon. Hollywood's a devilish and masterful liar. One heavily tied to drugs, crime and the government. Same things really.

 

I sit at an open spot at the bar. The barkeep quickly greets me.

 

“You’ll have to move soon. That’s Tom Cruise’s seat.” he tells me as he points to a framed photo on the chaotic wall of images behind me.

 

Fitting that I’d sit right here. This is how shit works along this “crazy” journey of mine. Oh well. Eventually it’s the crazy shit that makes us happiest.

 

 

That y'all. Is how to write the truth in fun and creative ways.